First let me start out by saying that the 4th of July is my favorite holiday. When I was growing up, we didn't have time for holidays. We were to busy dealing with lies, deceit, abuse and addiction. After I moved in with my mother there were no more christmas trees, no thanksgiving dinners, and definitely no fireworks. My first real holiday experience might seem mediocre to most people. It was July 4th 2009 and it was my first day in my new apartment, and away from my old life. Two years ago on Independence day I finally got my own independence; however, it wasn't the normal "I'm turned 18 so I can be a tool" independence. It was my first day free of all the bad. All the hell I had been through was finally over. It was (at that point) the best day of my life.
That brings me to last 4th of July. It was the first 4th Brad and I had spent together and it was amazing. We had only been together two short months; nevertheless, I had never felt so 'put together' in my life. It sounds like a movie scene but we spent the afternoon at the park laying in the grass, like we were the only two people in the world. As the sun went down we watched the fireworks together and thats when I knew I was going to be spending every 4th for the rest of my life with him.
So here I am, only four days until my favorite holiday of the year. It's crazy how much things can change in just one year. How even though people's looks have stayed the same, after just 365 days we can look at them so differently. When I was younger and my life was in so much chaos, I used to sit and look up at the sky and wonder "Where will my life be in 6 months? Where will I be? Is it selfish to even think I'll make it that long?" Now here I am, two years of looking up at the same sky and not having to ask that question. Two years and I can say I am on my way to getting what I want. I'm with the guy I am going to spend the rest of my life with. The man I will have a family with. I am making for myself all of the things I never had. Stability, family, comfort, and now I know that if I am being strong for something, it's not because I have no choice, it's because its something I believe in. Now I'm being strong so that I will have the things in life I deserve, not so that I can carry the weight of other peoples failures. The 4th of July isn't just fireworks and hotdogs to me. It's a reminder that I'm strong enough to do anything. That I'll be damned if I'll let anything get in the way of what I want. That every 4th I'll lay under the same fireworks, with the same man that I love, living the American dream that I'm creating for myself. Don't spend your life trying to find yourself, spend it creating yourself.
